It's Our God Forsaken Right to be Loved

Love.
Let's think about this word for a minute, then analyse how it's been used/thrown around/interpreted.

First off, yes, I am cynical about "love."
Quotations to emphasis that I'm not talking about real love, but the artificial "I want a romance like in the movies" type of "love."
Ever since.... Middle school, everybody's been obsessing about this strange phonomenon about how there's someone out there for everybody, and you find him/her, out of the blue, when you're not even looking for him/her.
Now, while that's all cute and whatnot, let's be realistic.
13, 14 year olds are hormonal, rebellious, stupid.
"We went out for 6 months in middle school. He/she was my first love," is not exactly relative, is it?
Now that you're older, you see this, but back when you were 14, this could have seemed a reason enough to believe that it was "love."


Then a new chapter begins: High school.
Now we introduce the concept of "real" dates, late night phone calls, and, what we believe to be the maturity level that would enable us to "fall in love with 'the one.'"
Everybody at this age seems to be convinced that love gets two people through anything and everything, no matter how bad things get.
[i.e. He cheated, she broke up with me for the 15th time, he's not devoting all of his time to me, etc.]
Uh, duh.
They're not mature enough to handle any of this.
Why?
Because there's still school going on, they're still considered a "child," both legally, and mentally, they're still growing up, and learning, and experiencing things that make them change their minds about a million different things a million different times.

Why are they so convinced that "love" is any different?
Yeah, you've got it.
It's not.
There is no such thing as,
"He's the only one that cares about me,"
or
"She promised. She said forever,"
and, especially,
"I love him/her. She/he means everything to me. Without him/her, I'd die."
Let's not be overly dramatic here.


When you center your life around one person, and one person alone, you miss out on a lot of things.
There's no such thing as, "it's different with us."
Don't be so naive.
You stay with said person throughout high school, you're friends with his friends, he's friends with your friends, everyone says you two are a great couple, and you're going to get married.
17, 18, 19 year olds, do you honestly believe that?


It doesn't matter how old you are, you're still changing, you're still learning, you're still discovering what you want, and who you are.
And because of this, your idea/view point of how "love" is supposed to be may also change.
So, why do you insist on holding on?
"We can work it out. Things can go back to the way things were before."
There's no guarantee that this is true.
Maybe it will work out, and maybe it won't, but let's not get too convinced that it will.


And when it all ends, what happens?
The 13, 14 year old cries until they find someone else to talk to the next period.
They stay friends with the person who "broke their heart," or at least stay on ok terms with them.
17, 18, 19 year olds cry, beg, plead, get angry, cry some more, beg some more, stay angry, and move on, but say that it's "not possible to stay friends with the person who broke your heart."
It seems that people become less forgiving as they grow older, don't you think?


Now, why would you risk losing a friendship over a temporary lover?
If it's meant to be, it'll happen when you're older, more mature, and have a steady life.
Why can't you wait?
Besides, you really shouldn't be trying to take care of someone, when you're not even ready to start taking care of yourself.
That doesn't mean you get up in the morning, do your chores without being asked, and taking a shower every night.
To be able to take care of yourself is to know exactly what to do to calm yourself down when you get upset.
To know to think before you speak, or act.
To be responsible for your own actions, and know how to be responsible for them.
Know when you're wrong, admit that you're wrong, and apologize.
To learn to love yourself, because they love you.


If you're too important, prideful, spiteful, and/or immature to do any of that, then you're not ready for a commitment.
It's unfair to start a relationship, and receive the priviledge of holding someone's heart, if you're not ready for it.

Bottom line is, don't fret.
If someone isn't treating you right, but you just feel like they're the "one" for you, take a step back, and see for yourself, what exactly is going on.
Weigh the pros and cons.
Is the stress they cause worth the "love" they give?
Because, if not, you deserve more than this.

Think Before You Let it Go

[02/23/09]
I can honestly say, I dislike sex.
I dislike what it symbolizes.
I dislike how it makes people think.
I dislike how people judge others based on it.
I dislike that people use it as an escape.
I dislike that it's accepted in society as something that kids - KIDS - can do.
I dislike that it's so easy to get, that it's so easy to regret.
I dislike how it's glorified in the media.
I dislike how it's portrayed in the media.
I dislike that it's not considered special.
But most of all, I dislike that so many of the people I care for, the people I am most connected to, are doing it because of all of these things.

You may say that it IS special to you.
So tell me this; What's so special about something you give out to every person you "love"?
What's so special about something you give out to people who know how to turn you on?
What's so special about something you give out to more than the one person that truly deserves it?
It sickens/scares me.

I can't even begin to imagine what goes through someone's mind as they do it.
Do it.
Like something that can't even be called it's real term.
Like a possesion.
Like a word.
Just a word.
Just something that you can do over and over and over again.
For what purpose?Are we so greedy that we feel the need to have sex with more than one person?
So greedy that we can just brush off the effects of the aftermath once it's all over?
greedy that just the feeling it gives is enough of a reason to continue the habit?

No, not a habit.
An addiction.
An escape.
There's no love.
No feelings.
No worth.
Has it all come down to this?

[6/01/09]
Why do I get so... Upset, when I see/hear about people having premarital sex?
I should be used to hearing it.
Rather, I shouldn't be upset, because there isn't anything I can do about it.

People have heard my views on sex, and why I disagree with it.
And they sit there, and say,
"She doesn't know, she's never been in love."
"I use protection, and if I do get pregnant, I wouldn't even consider abortion."
"I love him/her, and I want to show her that, through physicality, and give my body as a gift to the one I care about."
And it all makes sense to me.

It's not that I doubt them, or think that their thought processes are wrong.
I see where they're coming from, but, I honestly can't get myself to feel that premarital sex is ok.

And the big question is, why.
Why can't two people, who are in love, share the strongest physical bond known to humans?
Why is sex considered such a sacred thing?
Why is it that people can't indulge in their desires?

So here are my thoughts:
If people were not to have sex until marriage, there would be a tremendous decrease in the amount of abortions that happen each year.
If people didn't have premarital sex, they wouldn't have to face the terrible nicknames, and the cruel treatment from their peers.
If people waited to have sex until they were with the one person who, if they married for the right reasons, they would be spending the rest of their lives with, they wouldn't end up heartbroken because the other person decided that they didn't want to stick around anymore.
"I gave him/her everything, and he/she didn't care. He/she just left me."
Sound familiar?
Same story, different faces.

Cheating is one of the biggest reasons why people end up getting hurt by another person.
They put so much trust in them, and sexual desires lured the other person away.
For what purpose?
Are human beings so shallow, so greedy, as to want to hurt someone simply because they were feeling connected to someone else?
And if that were the case, why can't they wait?
Why is it so hard to restrain yourself from giving a person your entire body, and giving them the pleasures of being the person to explore places that other people can't?
What makes one think that, as long as the other person doesnt find out, or as long as they don't know, that it's not as bad as if they did know, and they were ok with it?
Has it really come down to hiding things from the one person that you're supposed to be completely open and honest with?
Do they really think that it's ok to "try figuring things out" by going to the extremities of sleeping with someone else that they've started having feelings for, before they make the final decision, and leave their significant other?
Why can't it wait?
Because you don't want to?
Is that it?
It's because you feel that the sooner you get it done, the sooner the other person will know your true feelings?
That if you give them your body, they will feel obligated to be more connected to you?
That if you felt more connected to them, physically, that it will be easier for you to know your own true feelings?

And random sex with some random person.
What is the purpose for that?
To forget someone else?
To make yourself feel like you're worth more?
Just because you want it?
Does that even make sense??

I can't even begin to understand what the answers are to any of these questions.
And people try so hard to justify themselves, and I don't feel any compassion towards them.
I don't feel that their arguement is worthy, that their views on how they see sex as an act of love, of devotion, of connection, of selflessness, how any of that makes sense.
Because it doesn't make sense to me.
And I want God to give me the answer.

I want to understand why I'm so passionate about this.
Because I remember not too long ago, I didn't feel this way.
3 years ago, I would have flat out said,
"If I last in a relationship with someone for longer than a year, I would sleep with them."
And now that doesn't make any sense to me.
And it may be because I've seen relationships fail after a year, 2 years.
It may be because I felt I was worth waiting for for more than a set amount of time.
Maybe, just maybe, God changed my heart before I even knew I wanted Him in my life.

I can't justify any of what I feel, myself.
I've never been good at that.I'm slowly learning though.
And I truly believe that.